This is the story of me and Ray Horn,
Ray Horn who shall now be affectionately known as HornFace is in love.
He's in love with himself, has visions of grandeur and doesn't seem a very
likeable or honest man.
Lets start at the beginning....
I posted to his blog this comment
"You're a disgusting sack of shit, how DARE you try and
pass BlogCFC off as your own. I hope you choke on your own shitty ethics."
Innocent enough I thought, and as I worked on a network issue a little doorbell
noise was made by my Outlook Express. Little did I know that this seemingly
innocent doorbell tone was infact the rumble of HornFaces fury, like the thunder
across the sky, HornFace was not impressed.
"Um, maybe you failed to realize that your comments when
into my database where they were promptly deleted for nobody to see... Have a
nice day !"
You know you're in-fucking-trouble when the response to your comments begins
with an 'um', trembling I typed out my reply
"Don't worry, everyone knows about you and I've already
shown it to everyone who is interested and uses CF. I hope you learn from this
and try and not fuck people over from now on."
A fairly timid response I thought, it was from the heart, sure it wasn't poetic
or biting but it got across my point I thought, but little did I know the force
that is HORNFACE and what fresh hell he would unleash upon me.
"And how exactly did I fuck someone over ?
You should be a bit concerned about the libel laws in this country because
you may be setting yourself-up for a libel/slander/defamation of character
lawsuit if you keep this up ! This is fair warning. Your comments are
recorded in my database and shall be hauled into court when doing so suits
my needs. Have a nice day !
The only thing you have accomplished is exposing yourself to unwanted legal
actions ! If this was not your intent then I recommend you cease your
inflammatory libelous comments before you do more damage to yourself than
you desired."
Oh good god! No! Not the dreaded legal action! There I was blissfully unaware of
the laws of free speech not extending to me, but instead protecting the guy who
rips off genuine developers, I actually started to cry at this point, after some
consultation with my kung fu legal team (my teddy bear i name "browny") i
plucked up the courage to respond.
"Please bring it on! I beg of you, call up your lawyer and
summon me to court"
Maybe baring my fangs will scare him off, knowing that I, a weak puppy, stand in
the shadow of this Rabid (oh god thats HornFaces name for his 'technology')
pitbull, I stood my ground, and peed a little
"For all you know I am a lawyer... or did you not consider
this possibility ?"
My technique worked! he calmed down a little, hang on...he's a what now? a
lawyer? I'm slightly shocked he can spell it correctly, damn you spell check!
"I've seen your resume, doesn't mention you're a lawyer.
but seriously, i'd really love some hot ray horn lawyer action"
Ha, suck my wit! you witless bastard!
After a word with my sidekicks I had to post a follow up
"By the way, are you a brain bench certified lawyer or did
you just kidnap an actual lawyer then change your name to his and keep in leiu
with your present goings on?"
Yes! Another zinger! Lets see if Hornface can survive after being washed up on
the shores of truth!
"So ? For all you know I have more than one Resume ! YOU
are just not too bright, you know that !"
The man has more than one resume? holding back that he's a lawyer?! WTF?! anywho!
As he said, i'm not too bright, then proceeds to tell me I know that, now theres
a couple of things wrong here, if I am stupid as he claims then I won't know i'm
stupid, But if he is rhetorically asking like "You know that?!" then he left off
a question mark, so who's not too bright now?
uh oh, no sooner had I absorbed the shock of being called dimwitted, i received
another email.
"If you are going to be this
silly-stupid then I recommend you stay out of
court !
If I were a Lawyer and I wanted to make money being a Lawyer but I also
enjoyed being a software engineer then I doubt seriously I would make it
known to people I was involved with as a software engineer that I was a
Lawyer because being a Lawyer would be my ace-in-the-hole, so to speak, now
wouldn't it ?
YOU are just not using your brain, are you ?"
That will teach me for being Silly-Stupid, my mom always warned me, she said "JW!
stop being so silly-stupid!" Oh silly-stupid me! He's got an ace in the hole
apparantly, thats his backup plan from stealing peoples code. good one hornface!
I responded in the ony silly-stupid way i could
"Are you seriously telling me you're a layer? Because if
you are I honestly just don't care.
As for me not being too bright, you could just end your growing humiliation by
the CF community by apologising, because BELIEVE me when i say this, people are
laughing at you, hard. they're laughing at you hard ray."
Hornface responds
"YOU figure it out, IDIOT !"
Ooooh! testy! thus begins the saga of capitalising every YOU, one thing, whats
the space between a word and the exclamation mark? i keep having to read a pause
then loud surprise.
I then hear a rumour in my underground den of Hornface not being able to install
the original BlogCFC correctly.
"you call ME an idiot? You're the one who couldn't even
get rays REAL blog set up, for everyone else it takes a couple of minutes,
however you claim its crap and you can't get it to work?
You must be real fuckin smart. i'd love to have my day in court fighting your
cartoonish allegations"
Take that you shitbag!
"Yeah, I guess my brain is just wired different that
way... So what ! Maybe this means I am able to do things others are not or maybe
I am just fucked-up ?!? Either way, I don't need to hear from you !
Go the fuck away !
If you email me again you will only be proving to me just how really fucking
STUPID you really are !"
AHA! Hornface admits defeat, he's fucked up and wired like a retard, thanks for
the confirmation, hornface then asks me to leave him alone and calls me STUPID
(is this better or worse than silly-stupid?)
This is what I thought would be the last email
"I'm stupid for replying to you?! You're the one who keeps
replying to me you goddamned idiot, and you can think about me what you will, at
least I don't plagiarise peoples hard work and pass it off as my own.
And don't think your brainbench qualifications make you any smarter than the
average bear because the average joe could shit one of them out whilst drunk.
have fun, seniorita!"
I had to put the brainbench punch in there, i hate brainbench, when I was 17 and
they were free i coughed out about 15 in one day, I wasn't proud of myself.
But it turns out hornface feels sorry for me
"Yeah that is right, YOU ARE A DAMNED IDIOT, but I feel
sorry for you so I am humoring you - I feel I should try to humor those who are
just too stupid to otherwise spend any time with... "
I feel kinda tingly inside, like a warm hug from a friends mother i shouldnt
feel anything for.
"If you're married i'm assuming thats why your wife is
with you. "
This is my childish zinger, in response to "I feel I should try to humor those
who are just too stupid to otherwise spend any time with... "
You see i'm implying his wife gave him a sympathy throwdown,
back to the email
"So let me get this straight, *I* am an idiot for
responding to you but you responding to me makes you oh so intelligent?
You could make all this stop by just not replying, personally i'm having fun
with this as it makes me and other people laugh.
Maybe if i take your "adaption" of BlogCFC and just change the names and sell it
on, would you then stop feeling sorry for me and let me be in your lonely cunts
club?"
Yes! the C word finally crept in, it felt good, I got this response
"No really, I am enjoying this playful banter
back-and-forth, great entertainment value. Better than watching TV !"
Better than watching tv you prick because you cant turn the bastard thing on.
I responded with the last email
"you're famous btw :)
http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/message.cfm/forumid:4/messageid:229776
why don't you just save yourself all this bother and apologise like a man?"
No response?
If this is how a grown man with 30 years experience acts, a lawyer at that, then
shame on you hornface, may the demons drag you down to hell and rape your rather
flappy loose shithole.
I hate you hornface, I didn't even know you existed until today, but I hate you.
Oh and btw , you may have noticed my use of Brainbench over and over, i'd like to paste you his stupid idiotic signature.
"Ray C. Horn, Senior Certified Macromedia ColdFusion MX
7 Solutions Provider
(Certified Macromedia Associate Partner: Solutions Provider for ColdFusion
MX 7)
(Certified Macromedia ColdFusion MX Developer)
(Certified Macromedia ColdFusion MX 7 Developer)
(Certified Brainbench JavaScript 1.5 Fundamentals)
(Certified Brainbench SQL Server 2000 DBA)
(Certified Brainbench SQL Server 2000 Developer)
(Certified Brainbench HTML 4.0 Developer)
(Certified Brainbench Programming Concepts)
(Certified Brainbench RDBMS Concepts)
(Certified Brainbench Web Development Concepts)
Mobile: +1 707 373-7756"